A monkey walked up to a man....

[Revolver]

A monkey walks up to a man with a banana in his hand. The monkey looked up at the man and said

"Excuse me, do you have a can opener?"

The man looked at the monkey and said

"Don't be such a stupid monkey, you don't need a can opener for a banana!"

The monkey then looked angrily at the man and replied

"You're the stupid one, I need it for the custard!"

[skeletor]

because it was so shit.

[Revolver]

because it was so shit.

I know, its genius. I couldn't even tell it the other day cos I was crying at how stupid it is.

Whats Green, has 6 legs and would kill you if it fell out of a tree?


A Snooker table.

[skeletor]

because it was so shit.

I know, its genius. I couldn't even tell it the other day cos I was crying at how stupid it is.

Whats Green, has 6 legs and would kill you if it fell out of a tree?


A Snooker table.

Whats brown and sticky?

A stick....

[Revolver]

A piece of poo and a wig walk into a bar.

The piece of poo asks the barman for a two beers.

The barman replies "There is no way I can serve you two, im sorry but you'll have to leave"

The piece of poo replies "But we've only just got here whats the problem?"

The barman says "Well you're shit faced and your mates off his head!"

[skeletor]

Oh dear.....still though.

A man is at the bar of a pub when a man walks in and asks the bartending for a cloth as he stepped in a piece of shit while walking in to the pub.

The man at the bar says "I did that."

The other bloke smacks him.

------------

Whats the difference between a Giraffe and a JCB?

One has hydraulics, the other has high bollocks.

[Revolver]

And you oh dear'd me? Give me a break...

I just searched bad jokes and found these in the dailytelegraph of all places.

1. What do you call a judge with no thumbs?

Justice Fingers

2. Why do cows have bells?

Because their horns don't work.

3. A linguistics professor was lecturing his class one day.

"In English", he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

A loud voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

4. Two men are in the woods when one collapses. He's not breathing so his friend calls 999.

"My friend is dead. What should I do?"

"Stay calm," says the operator. "First, let's make sure he's dead." There is silence, then a shot.

"OK," says the caller. "What now?"