Less offensive jokes

[skeletor]

My wife walked out on me after I blew our life savings on a penis extension.

She said she just couldn't take it any longer.

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Got to admire Emile Heskey....has fucking disasterous World Cup....comes home, puts a frock on and wins the womens title at Wimbledon!

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So Cristiano Ronaldo is a baby daddy now.
The crying, the temper tantrums, the falling over.... the baby's never going to get any rest with all that racket coming from dad's room.

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Bungee jumping is like getting a blowjob off your nan. It feels great but for christs sake don't look down.

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I got caught having a wank in the newsagents this morning... now it's all over the papers!

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Paddy tells Mick he's thinking of buying a Labrador... "fook off" says Mick, "have you seen how many of their owners go blind!"

[skeletor]

The McCann's are preparing to send out a fresh appeal to Raoul Moat. They figured that, with so many police officers being unsuccessful in tracking down Moat, he can only be hiding in the same place as Maddie.

[BlacKBlazE]

[skeletor]

my wife said to me earlier that she's so busy she doesn't know whether she's coming or going... I said she must be going because when she's coming she looks like a kid with down syndrome trying to whistle!